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Performance Reviews: How To Interpret

Some of you might like to know what supervisors are really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations they keeps cranking out.

• AVERAGE:     Not too bright.
  
• EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:     Has committed no major blunders to date.
  
• ACTIVE SOCIALLY:     Drinks heavily.
  
• ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:     Opinionated.
  
• CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:     Still one step ahead of the law.
  
• UNLIMITED POTENTIAL:     Will stick with us until retirement.
  
• QUICK THINKING:     Offers plausible excuses for errors.
  
• TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:     Conceited.
  
• TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS:     Buys drinks for superiors.
  
• INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION:     Knows more than superiors.
  
• STERN DISCIPLINARIAN:     A real jerk.
  
• TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS:     Knows when to keep mouth shut.
  
• APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC:     Finds someone else to do the job.
  
• A KEEN ANALYST:     Thoroughly confused.
  
• NOT A DESK PERSON:     Did not go to university.
  
• EXPRESSES SELF WELL:     Can string two sentences together.
  
• SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB:     Miserable home life.
  
• CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL:     Scared.
  
• METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL:     A nitpicker.
  
• DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP:     Has a loud voice.
  
• JUDGMENT IS USUALLY SOUND:     Lucky.
  
• MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE:     A snob.
  
• KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:     Knows lots of dirty jokes.
  
• STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES:     Stubborn.
  
• GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE:     A coward.
  
• SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE:     Stupid.
  
• OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:     Turns in work on time.
  
• IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL:     Wanted by no-one else.
  
• ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS:     An office gossip.
  
• REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT:     Lazy and hard-headed.
  
• HARD WORKER:     Usually does it the hard way.
  
• ENJOYS JOB:     Needs more to do.
  
• HAPPY:     Paid too much.
  
• WELL ORGANIZED:     Needs more to do.
  
• COMPETENT:     Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
  
• CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN:     Pain in the arse.
  
• WILL GO FAR:     Related to management.
  
• SHOULD GO FAR:     Please.
  
• USES TIME EFFECTIVELY:     Clock watcher.
  
• VERY CREATIVE:     Finds 5 reasons to do anything except original work.
  
• USES RESOURCES WELL:     Delegates everything.
  
• DESERVES PROMOTION:     (or anything else - just get him or her away from me!).