|An A-Z guide to the PC madness blighting modern Britain
By JAMES DELINGPOLE
22nd February 2007
Does political correctness drive you mad? Is the mere thought of modern society's descent into a mire of cant and wet liberal dogma enough to make you foam at the mouth? Then prepare to smile at author JAMES DELINGPOLE'S dyspeptic A to Z guide to life in modern Britain.
A IS FOR ACCESS
The local authority obsession with making sure all members of the community have 'access' to the arts is the reason museums and galleries are forever wasting money on things such as 'graffiti art' or putting on 'community outreach projects'.
Isn't it tragic that people from council estates hardly ever go to the opera? Isn't it a crying scandal that museum and gallery attendance remains so stubbornly white and middle class? No, it's not. It just means we live in a country where we're still free to make our own cultural choices rather than having them force-fed by the state.
B IS FOR BBC2's DANCING WHEELCHAIRS LOGO
Between programmes, three men in red perform pirouettes in their wheelchairs, challenging our prejudices about what it means to be disabled.
Yes, OK, we get the worthy message. But is it really something we need to have rammed down our throats every time we are sitting innocently at home watching telly?
C IS FOR CPS
While the Crown Prosecution Service can always be relied on to prosecute you if you use racist language, show signs of homophobia or defend yourself against burglars breaking into your home, it appears hugely reluctant to bring cases against genuine criminals.
Perhaps its finest hour came in April 2006 when it chose to prosecute a tenyearold schoolboy who'd called his classmate 'Bin Laden'.
Why not extend its prosecutory powers to embrace the full panoply of playground insults. Durr brain? Lard butt? Blubber lips? Four eyes? You're nicked, son.
D IS FOR DIVERSITY
It used to be that 'diversity' meant 'a state of richness, variety and abundance'.
Now it is an excuse to persecute any activity that is deemed 'white' or 'middle class'.
So, diversity is why your children come home from school knowing more about Eid or Diwali than they do about Easter.
It's also why, if you apply for any kind of state funding for your church hall, cricket pavilion or bowling clubhouse, you won't get it - because the people who would benefit don't press the correct 'diversity' buttons.
E IS FOR ENVIRONMENTALISM
Bossy new-world religion based on the self-flagellating principle that unless we seriously inconvenience ourselves by giving up, or paying enormous taxes for the privilege of enjoying, all 21st-century comforts, from air travel to central heating, we will be personally responsible for destroying planet Earth.
F IS FOR FEET
(and Inches, Pounds, Ounces, Gallons, Pints).
Did you know that, from January 1, 2010, using these terms in Britain to describe weights and measures will become a criminal offence under EU law? It's true!
The new law is enshrined in the EU's Statutory Instruments regulations (55 & 85/2001).
G IS FOR GERMANS, THE
Supposedly our military allies. And now look at them. 'Nein.
Ve cannot commit more zen five soldiers und a pea-shooter to Afghanistan - even though ve are members of Nato und ought to be damned grateful for ze privilege'.
And don't even get me started on The French...
H IS FOR HOME INFORMATION PACK
Ingenious torture scheme devised by John Prescott to punish people for moving house.
From June 1, it will be compulsory for anyone selling their home to put together an information pack, then waste £200 paying one of the Government's 4,000 new home inspection officers to check it.
A stealth tax? Needless, snooping, busy-bodying interference by a nanny state? You might say that - I couldn't possibly comment.
I IS FOR I DON'T MIND PAYING A BIT MORE IN TAXES...
If it means greater social justice/a better NHS/improved education system. A noble idea, perhaps.
But after a decade of stealth taxes from Gordon Brown, you'd think we'd all have realised that increased taxation leads only to more waste, bureaucracy and inefficient state control, while failing to make anything that really matters any better.
J IS JENKINS, WOY
Fat, Europhile snob with fake posh accent and affected claret habit now being roasted on a spit in the hottest part of hell for having invented the phrase: 'Cewebwate diversity.'
K IS FOR Mt KILIMANJARO
The eco lobby bang on about the great African mountain's vanishing ice cap as proof of global warming.
What they don't tell you is that research shows that Kili suffered its most dramatic glacial melt between 1912 and 1953.
Unfortunately, the world in that period was being distracted by trivia like two world wars and was consequently unable to give this catastrophic problem the hand-wringing attention it properly deserved.
L IS FOR LADDERS
(People Falling Off) Police in Rochdale refused to