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Subject: My daughter wants to marry a marine and she is only 18.
worried mom    10/21/2008 3:40:05 PM
I need some advice. My daughter "Sue" and her boyfriend "Charlie" have been dating since she was a freshman and he was a junior in high school. She is a senior this year and Charlie is in the being stages of his marine career. He is finished with boot camp and is in training for whatever his job will be in the corp. Charlie is now coming home for a short visit and via the gossip grapevine, we have learned that there could possibly be an engagement and maybe a wedding before she is out of school. Sue's father and I are not happy about this and have always discussed her going to college and she always seemed to want to do this. Charlie's parents on the other hand, don't want to discourage anything, because he is 20, and they were married and had a baby about 2 months out of high school..Here is the kicker.....Sue is not being completely honest with us and we are really not sure what to do. I have considered talking to his recruiter, but I really am not sure. We don't necessary want them to break up....just slow way down, since she has not graduated from high school yet and he is not sure where he is really going to be yet......HELP! any sound advice would be most helpful..
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beersheba       10/21/2008 8:54:32 PM
Tell her to marry a Digger.
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smitty237    Advice   10/21/2008 9:34:19 PM
Just talk to her.  Ask her to be honest with you and your husband and find out where she is on this whole thing.  Don't ambush her, though.  Lay your cards out on the table and tell her that you've heard some rumors about what she and her boyfriend might be planning.  Then explain to her why you feel the way you do.  I realize that this is an emotional subject for you, but you need to approach this logically and rationally.  Don't badmouth her boyfriend or tell her she's too young to make these kinds of decisions because that will put her on the defensive.  Legally she's an adult now and can get married in all fifty states, even if that means dropping out of school.  Also, I would definitely advise against talking to the boy's recruiter if you're seeking someone to intervene on your behalf.  The recruiter could probably give you some advice and guidance, but it would be unethical for him to intervene and prevent the young Marine from legally marrying.  If word got back to the boyfriend and/or your daughter that you had talked to his recruiter, then they could perceive that you were trying to damage his career, and you could do irreparable harm to your relationship with your daughter and her potential future husband.  Be very careful here.
You may be against your daughter getting married too young, but you may need to be willing to compromise a little.  I would sit down with your daughter and her boyfriend in a neutral setting.  If they announce they plan on getting married I would suggest asking them to consider taking their time, but I would also suggest a compromise.  Tell them that you would support their marriage and give your blessing if they waited two years and your daughter attended college in that time frame.  In exchange, offer to help your daughter stay in touch with her boyfriend, to include helping her pay for occasional trips to visit her boyfriend.  I realize that at the end of this two year wait she will still be only twenty, but a lot can happen in two years.  If their relationship is strong then it will endure this waiting period.  I fear that if you put your foot down too hard without considering her feelings then you could drive her away and lose her regardless, so please be willing to compromise a little to help your daughter make the right decision.  Good luck. 
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FCUS       10/23/2008 5:04:58 PM
I think you should tell them to wait until he comes back from whereever he is stationned/sent off.
Marrying his/her high school sweetheart is a mistake in my opinion. If you haven't been separated from your love for at least 6 months then how can you be sure you will still be in love in ten years.
A few months apart can help realize if the person is really the one (am i gonna be as in love and as happy when he/she comes back, do i miss her/him everysingle day, did i want to screw someone else because i miss the sex too much - meaning you don't actually love the other as much as you thought). It's better than realize it 1à years after with 3 kids.
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