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Subject: French lovers? They haven't got a clue-seau
AdamB    7/5/2007 6:29:04 AM
French lovers? They haven't got a clue-seau by HELENA FRITH POWELL 5th July 2007 Daily Mail My father always told me there are two things you can never criticise a man for: his driving and his sexual technique. Perhaps the two skills are linked. After all, they are both expressions of physical dexterity. But if French driving is anything to go by, I'm not surprised the French came second from bottom in a poll of sexual satisfaction last week. French drivers are constantly trying to overtake you, braking in all the wrong places and going as quickly as is humanly possible. None of those habits translate well in bed. When we moved to France seven years ago, I admit I was looking forward to being flirted with and having my hand kissed several times a day by Gallic charmers. Rather as an English man only has to open his mouth for another to despise him, a French man only has to say "ello, 'ow are you?" to come across as incredibly sexy. The accent works every time. As the television presenter Josie D'Arby said: "A man could say anything to me in a French accent and it would send me ga-ga." It was the accent that first attracted me to my first (and only) French boyfriend 17 years ago. He was called Julien and worked as a fund manager in the City. He was also tall, dark, handsome and rich. So far so good. His methods of wooing were very different from his English contemporaries. I was sent flowers about three times a week. He would tell me how beautiful I was every five minutes and really did keep kissing my hand while gazing seductively up into my eyes. To be honest, I found it all a bit much. As a girl who was educated at a rather downto-earth, rugby-playing university in the north of England, I thought his French ways seemed a little, well, namby-pamby. But after all the effort he made, it seem rude not to give in gracefully and sleep with him. I decided to go for it on the night of his birthday, three months after we met. Mainly to save on the expense of a present. The evening went swimmingly until we got to the bedroom. To start with, he kept me waiting for about half an hour while he covered himself in aftershave and trimmed his nose hairs in his fully-stocked bathroom. By the time Julien finally got to the bedroom, I was almost nodding off. He seemed more interested in how he looked naked than how I looked. After about ten minutes of watching him watch himself in the mirror on his cupboard door, I gave up and left, never to return to the bedroom of a Frenchman. And it seems I'm not missing out. Statistically, it's official; French men are bad in bed. Out of 26 countries polled, the only one below France in terms of sexual satisfaction was Japan. In France they do have a lot of sex (120 times a year compared with 92 times for Brits), but they just don't enjoy it. And as for orgasms, well, forget it. Only 25 per cent of French people interviewed said they were satisfied with their sex lives, while Brits reported a 40 per cent satisfaction rate. How deliciously satisfying to discover that this preening, priapic bunch are not quite so 'ooh la la' after all. Perhaps I should have realised it already. While researching a book of mine, I discovered that French women are notoriously unfaithful, and this must be why. They're all desperately searching for that one French man who knows what he's doing in the sack. All the same, I was surprised when I saw the results of the poll. Even if I didn't have a great time with my French man, I imagined them making other women all over the world delirious with desire. How wrong I was. "French men are all show and no go," says a Parisian friend of mine who is married to a Scot. "All that elaborate hand-kissing and flirting is what they're really good at. But get them naked and they fall apart." Another French friend, who prefers to date foreigners, says that French men's lack of prowess in bed is all down to their mothers. "They tell them how wonderful they are all the time, so they never think they need to make an effort," she says. "Also, they're supremely selfish and macho." So how did the French manage to create this image of supreme lovers of the universe? I suppose having Paris as a capital helped. I mean, was there ever a more phallic symbol than the Eiffel Tower? Also, France has always been the home of good food, good wine, luxury goods, fabulous designers; all things that put you in a good mood, which is essential for love. On top of that, French men really do rate themselves. A friend of mine makes a wine called Arrogant Frog. Enough said. When I told my husband the results of the survey, he looked happier than when England won the Rugby World Cup final in 2003. For years English guys have had to put up with French men being perceived as much sexier than them. A friend of ours even suffered the ignominy of his wife running off with a Fre
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Lynstyne       7/5/2007 8:04:18 AM
At least post an opinion
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Lynstyne       7/5/2007 8:04:22 AM
At least post an opinion
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verdunjp       7/7/2007 1:24:57 PM
Did the Monaco girl return to his English man?
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Shirrush    Khhhh!   7/11/2007 9:44:44 AM
What's there to discuss? This article's purpose is clearly to entertain, and it'd be stupid to ascribe any truth or indeed seriousness, to this humoristic attempt to characterize the French male's sexual prowess and behavior. I read this, I was mildly amused, but I am still waiting to meet a lady that thinks my French accent is a turn-on. If the author mentions this, it must exist after all. There's always hope, at least as far as getting laid is concerned.
Me, I'd rather discuss French driving. I've been living for decades in Israel, which almost certainly has the World's most incompetent drivers, and I do miss the way the French drive. At least they know wtf they're doing, and they do get to where they intend to go most of the time, and usually before their expiry date...

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Lynstyne       7/11/2007 12:37:07 PM
You really prefer french driving to israeli? all i can say is they must be horrendous because i find french driving a nightmare.
I have developed the attitude that its best to assume any car on a back road after 10 at night or on a sunday afternoon is driven by a drunk. maybe im wrong but it sure feels like it.
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Shirrush    French back roads   7/11/2007 1:17:50 PM
I'm told it's not like this anymore, and that the crackdown on DUI in France and in the UK has been very successful and there's been a significant decrease in accident victims numbers.
Here in Israel,  drunk/zonked driving is a relatively new phenomenon, and is circumscribed to the weekend's late night-early morning hours. They're trying to deal with it, and as usual they're pathetic.
When was the last time you plied the back roads of France? I did that, a lot, in 1983-84, and yes, it was kind of scary around there at the time, but the Gendarmerie was always present and active, and I always knew they can be relied upon.

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Lynstyne       7/11/2007 2:33:58 PM
I still am driving in France.
I also have to admit to causing chaos and panic myself on the odd occasion one or two incidents of forgetting which side of the road im supposed to be on, and the silly priority to the right rule (which i hadent heard of when i first arrived- cue much arm waving all round)
Re the DUI Unfortunatly the Gendarme wait on main roads and people just use the windy back roads.
Im not even going to discuss the use of  roundabouts.
That said the driving in the UK is getting worse many people now drive with complete dieregarde to any other road user- which is my main critic of the french drivers. unless things change back home well soon be equal on that front.
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Yimmy       7/11/2007 2:47:34 PM
The problem with driving on UK roads is that everybody does it.  You have to drive offensively if you want to get anywhere.  I have been driving for little over a year only, and already drive completely differently to when I passed my test.

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