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Performance Reviews: How To Interpret

Performance Reviews: How To Interpret

Some of you might like to know what supervisors are really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations they keeps cranking out.


  • AVERAGE:     Not too bright.
  • EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:     Has committed no major blunders to date.
  • ACTIVE SOCIALLY:     Drinks heavily.
  • ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:     Opinionated.
  • CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:     Still one step ahead of the law.
  • UNLIMITED POTENTIAL:     Will stick with us until retirement.
  • QUICK THINKING:     Offers plausible excuses for errors.
  • TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:     Conceited.
  • TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS:     Buys drinks for superiors.
  • INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION:     Knows more than superiors.
  • STERN DISCIPLINARIAN:     A real jerk.
  • TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS:     Knows when to keep mouth shut.
  • APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC:     Finds someone else to do the job.
  • A KEEN ANALYST:     Thoroughly confused.
  • NOT A DESK PERSON:     Did not go to university.
  • EXPRESSES SELF WELL:     Can string two sentences together.
  • SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB:     Miserable home life.
  • CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL:     Scared.
  • METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL:     A nitpicker.
  • DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP:     Has a loud voice.
  • JUDGMENT IS USUALLY SOUND:     Lucky.
  • MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE:     A snob.
  • KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:     Knows lots of dirty jokes.
  • STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES:     Stubborn.
  • GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE:     A coward.
  • SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE:     Stupid.
  • OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:     Turns in work on time.
  • IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL:     Wanted by no-one else.
  • ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS:     An office gossip.
  • REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT:     Lazy and hard-headed.
  • HARD WORKER:     Usually does it the hard way.
  • ENJOYS JOB:     Needs more to do.
  • HAPPY:     Paid too much.
  • WELL ORGANIZED:     Needs more to do.
  • COMPETENT:     Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
  • CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN:     Pain in the arse.
  • WILL GO FAR:     Related to management.
  • SHOULD GO FAR:     Please.
  • USES TIME EFFECTIVELY:     Clock watcher.
  • VERY CREATIVE:     Finds 5 reasons to do anything except original work.
  • USES RESOURCES WELL:     Delegates everything.
  • DESERVES PROMOTION:     (or anything else - just get him or her away from me!).


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