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New Recruit Training Standards

WASHINGTON - (AP) In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following changes to basic principles of recruit training:

HAIRCUTS:

Marines-heads will be shaved.

Army-flat-tops for all recruits.

Navy-no haircut standard.

Air Force-complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.

 

TRAINING HOURS:

Marines-rise at 0500, train until 2000.

Army-rise at 0600, train until 1900.

Navy-rise at 0900, train until 1100, lunch til 1300, train till 1600.

Air Force-rise at 1000, breakfast in bed, lunch at 1200, nap at 1400, training ceases at 1500.

 

MEALS:

Marines-Meals-Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.

Army-one hot meal, 2 MRE's.

Navy-3 hot meals.

Air Force-catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Childs, and Wolfgang Puck. All you can eat.

 

LEAVE and LIBERTY:

Marines-none.

Army-4 hours a week.

Navy-2 days a week.

Air Force-for every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.

 

PROTOCOL:

Marines-will address all officers as "Sir" and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e. Sgt Smith).

Army-will address all officers as "Sir", unless they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel Sarge.

Navy-will address all officers as Skipper, and all enlisted personnel as Chief.

Air Force-all Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with all other personnel.

 

DECORATIONS/AWARDS:

Marines-medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery.

Army-medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade thrown,

fitness test passed, and bed made.

Navy-will have ships engineers make medals for them as needed.

Air Force-will be issued all medals as they will most likely be awarded them at some point early in their careers.

 

CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORMS:

Marines-work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.

Army-will wear it anytime, anywhere.

Navy-will not wear cammies, they do not camouflage you on a ship. Captains will make every effort to TRY to explain this to our sailors.

Air Force-will defeat the purpose of camouflage by putting blue and grey service chevrons and name tapes on them.

 

CAREER FIELDS:

Marines-all Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.

Army-doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in first enlistment.

Navy-nobody knows. Navy still trying figure out what all the SMC, BNC, BSN, and all the other ratings things are.

Air Force-every recruit will be trained in a manner that will allow them to leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.


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