"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart
from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by
prostitutes." Mark Twain.
"I would rather have a German division in front of me
than a French one behind me." General George S. Patton.
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting
without your accordion." Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do
something about it." Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means
failure" Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush Limbaugh,
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the
German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." Regis Philbin.
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and
not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you
can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more
stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't
know." P.J O'Rourke (1989).
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an
aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but
doesn't have the face for it." John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam
Hussein? Because he hates America, he
loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." Conan O'Brien
"I don't know why people are surprised that France
won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq.
After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either" Jay Leno.
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it
came marching into Paris under a German flag." David Letterman
Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives
in Canada. Ted Nugent.
War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II.
?The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is
one that says 'First Iraq, then France.? Tom Brokaw.
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that
exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs
than the Nazis?" Dennis Miller.
"It is important to remember that the French have
always been there when they needed us." Alan Kent
"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida.
To prepare for an attack, each
Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of
mistresses in the house." Argus Hamilton
"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle
that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never
shot. Dropped once.'" Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)
"The French will only agree to go to war when we've
proven we've found truffles in Iraq." Dennis Miller
Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both
hands if you are French.
Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as
they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend
Paris? It's not known, it's never been
tried." Rep. R. Blount (MO)
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer
France in WWII? And that's because it
was raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.
The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced
after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to
Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The
rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed
France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a
ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a
nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris,
caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of
Czech tourists.
