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Subject:
12 Step Program for the Military
11/6/2005 8:47:49 PM
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1. I am in the military , I have a problem. This is the first step to
recovery...
2. Speech:
- Time should never begin with a zero or end
in a hundred, it is not 0530or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA
God-awful early). - Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks;
floor, bed, workout, get used to it. - "F *ck" cannot be used to -replace
whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um". - Grunting is not
talking. - It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in
"out" - People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the OCAC
3. Style:
- Do not put creases in your
jeans. - Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
- A horseshoe
cut looks dumb, not motivating. - A high and tight looks really dumb as
well. - So does a low reg, but not as bad.
- A hat indoors does not make you
a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world. - you do not have
to wear a belt ALL the time.
4. Women:
- Air Force girls are easy, very
easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if
you treat them like Air Force girls. - Being divorced twice by the time you
are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your
first. - Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.
5. Personal
accomplishments:
- In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make
you good at your job. - Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if
you tell them about people you have killed or seen die. - How much pain
you can take is not a personal accomplishment. - The time you got really drunk
and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal
accomplishment.
6. Drinking:
- In the real world, being drunk before
5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you" - That time you
drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a conversation
starter. - That time you went to the combat life saver school and practiced
giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter
6.
Bodily functions:
- Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run
away may be viewed as "unprofessional". - The size of the dump you took
yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or
how much it smelled. - You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter
how funny it is - VD will also not be funny
7. The human
body:
- Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.
8. Spending habits:
- One day, you will have to
pay bills - Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad
idea. - Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a
fool. - One day you will need health insurance
9. Interacting with
civilians (AKA YOU):
- Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat
will not be normal.
10. Real jobs:
- They really can fire you.
- On
the flip side you really can quit. - Screaming at the people that work for you
will not be normal, remember they really can quit too. - Taking naps at
work will not be acceptable. - Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800
11. The
Law:
- Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from
prison. - Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably
won't,in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find
out you've been arrested - Even McDonalds does background checks, and
"conviction" isn't going to help you get the job - Fighting is not a
normal thing and will get you really arrested, not yelled at Monday morning
before they ask you if you won.
12. General knowledge:
- You can in
fact really say what you think about the President in public. - Pain is not
weakness leaving the body, it's just pain. - They won't wear anything shiny
that tells you they are more important then you are, be polite. - Read the
contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.
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