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Subject:
You Know You have been in Iraq to long when. ...
3/10/2005 12:58:26 AM
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- When
mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way
off, I got another 5 minutes"
- When you start humming with
the Arabic song playing on the radio on the shuttle bus
-
Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking
attractive
- Every guy that reports to your unit starts
looking attractive
- You walk an extra 6 blocks to eat at the
KBR dining facility to have the exact same food they are serving in your dining
facility because you think it tastes better
- You actually
volunteer for convoy security duty because you still haven't seen the country
yet
- You start picturing your wife in traditional Arab
dress
- The contractors have more fire power than the military
combat units. (This is true)
- You take the time to add your
lines to this list
- You've spent $200 dollars at Haji mart on
dvds buying Basic Instinct, 9 and ½ weeks, and Body of Evidence just for the sex
scenes
- You drink the water from the tap because you want to
drop 20 pounds in two weeks
- Driving around in SUVs with
weapons pointed out the windows and forcing cars off the road seems very normal
to you
- You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark
in under 5 seconds
- When the organization you work for has
changed its name more than 3 times
- When you can actually
talk to people in the United States on a cell phone, yet you can't get people on
their cell phone a block away
- When you actually spend more
time writing e-mail about the dog in the compound versus how to conduct the
fight in Najaf
- Your idea of a fun Thursday night is to go to
the Palace pool to watch the State Department folks get drunk, naked and try to
pick each other up
- When you actually get excited to get a
package that contains 3 pair of socks, 12 bars of soap and a Victoria Secret
Catalog
- When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer
every time the MEDEVAC choppers fly over
- You memorized every
episode from the 4th Season of Sex in the City
- You enjoy the audience commentary while watching a movie
bought at Haji mart
- You see celebratory fire going over the
compound at night and think, "wow the colors are so pretty" and want to fire
back
- Your thinking of buying real estate in the green
zone
- Your idea of sex is 20 minutes of Instant Messaging
with your wife on the computer, OK, 10 minutes, who are you
kidding?
- You wake up and think Baghdad, I am still in
friggin Baghdad
- You make the new guy show you his count down timer just to make
you feel better about your time you have left in country
-
You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah
- You're in the
Marines and you start saying Hooah
- You're in the Navy and
you realize you are in the middle of the desert, the exact opposite of being in
the middle of the ocean, where one might normally find the
Navy.
- You're in the Air Force, and you're on the plane home
because an Air Force tour is too short to have been a long Iraq tour. Ignore
this list, zoomie, you won't get it.
- You only notice the
stench of Haji funk when its not there
- You plan on removing
all trees and grass in your yard when you get home so it will look more
natural
- You forget there are other colors than brown that
can be found in places other than power point slides
- The
temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching for your Gortex
jacket
- You have noticed a change of season, from long, hot
and dry to short, cold and wet.
- When you call home and your
kids ask "Who is this?"
- You call home and your wife says
hello Bill (your name is Sam)
- When you go on R&R, you
duct tape your child to the roof of your car, hand him a pellet rifle, and
assign him a sector of fire for the ride to "The Olive
Garden."
- When you can comfortably shave and brush your teeth
using bottled water, but don't mind showering in the "non-potable" local
water.
- While on R&R, you look out the window and find
Nature, which leads you to wonder who stole your sandbags.
-
When some of the contractors wear their DCUs more properly than some of your
soldiers.
- When 12 hours is a short work day
- you go Battle
Captains!
- When, During the BUA, "DIV asked MNSTC-I for the
FRAGO that MNC-I was supposed to publish, but couldn't because MNF-I hadn't
weighed in, since they were too inundated with MOD and MOI war-gaming the JCCs
within the ISF to square us away!" is a valid comment and generates no
questions.
- When you start using words like G'day mate,
Cheers, and Bloody hell as part of your normal vocabulary
-
When you have your opinions printed in the STARS and STRIPES more than 3
times
- When the palace catches fire and instead of helping to
put it out you grab a bag of marshmallows and start roasting
-
When you step into any office and there are 6 colonels, 12 lieutenant colonels,
15 majors, and 8 captains supervising the work of 1 sergeant
-
When you end every phone conversation with "Out"
- When you're
ordered to get an air mission together on short notice because it's a "Hot
priority" only to have the Major call back once he is in the air to ask "Does
anyone know where I am going?"
- When the weapon buyback
program has become so successful that you have issued the same AK-47 to the
Iraqi army 3 times
- When you can actually tell the difference
between the sound of an exploding car and an exploding
mortar
- When on R & R you tell your wife that your weapon
status is Red and your looking for the clearing barrel
- When
on R&R you go to Church and wonder why no one is wearing body armor or
carrying an automatic weapon to the service
- You see an indirect
fire attack take out a generator and get angry at the enemy for not hitting the
one that powers your computer
- You see an indirect fire
attack take out an air conditioner and your vigor to fight is
renewed
- You yell at the FNG for shouting incoming when the
rounds don't impact close enough to hit your tent with dirt
-
You know that you need to run inside immediately after any win of an Iraqi
sports team to keep from being hit by celebratory fire
- You
decide for that for shits and grins - lets take a run around Lost Lake at Camp
Victory to see if we can get shot at by the sniper
- You never
worry about oversleeping because if the morning call to prayers doesn't wake
you, the daily 0430 mortar attack will (most mornings)
- The
highlight of your shopping experience at the PX is to see that they got in a new
shipment of Schick Tracer razor blades
- When you send out
your laundry and your whites become grayer, your blacks become grayer and your
DCU's become grayer - makes it easier to sort loads...
- You
get offended by people wearing clean, pressed DCU's
- You
decide that it is a better course of action to pull your blankets over your head
than put on your body armor during a mortar attack - the woobee will save you
and at least you are comfortable
- You make a contest out of
seeing who can wear their uniform for more days before becoming entirely
disgusted with themselves
- You wonder if the fish served at
dinner really was carp caught out of the Tigris or Camp Victory's
lake
- You find it completely acceptable to pick your nose
while talking to a complete stranger or member of the opposite
sex
- A rocket or a mortar really isn't a big deal until the
crater it leaves is big enough to trip over in the dark on the way to the
latrine
- You go to a social gathering and intermittent gun
fire or explosions don't even cause a pause in the
conversation
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