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Staff officers say the strangest things..... (UNCLASSIFIED)

Discussion Board on this Military Joke

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

This is the first in a series of collected comments, made by American staff officers since 9/11, overheard and herein assembled for your edification, amusement and horror.

The original author of this collection wishes to remain anonymous, and thus preserve his promotion prospects.
"I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, "It's no problem," he means, for him." Maj  (EUCOM, European Command, which is in charge of American operations in Europe)

"Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so  many done so much for so few..." MAJ (Task Force  Warrior) on the "success" of the Free Iraqi  Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77 Iraqi exiles at the cost of, well, way too  much...

"Our days are spent trying to get some poor,  unsuspecting third world country to pony up to  spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of pissed  off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their  legs with a cheese grater than submit to foreign  occupation by a country for whom they have nothing  but contempt." LTC (JS) on the joys of coalition  building

"OSD (Office of the Secretary of Defense) will continue to drive this cart into the ground  long after the wheels have been sold on E-bay." MAJ  (JS) on the progress of FIF (Free Iraqi Forces)

"Please don't laugh. This is my job."   Maj (EUCOM) from Protocol, explaining in great detail  the approved procedures for dropping off VIPs

"I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US  citizens with Hungarian last names to send to Iraq..."  MAJ (JS) on the  often-frustrating process of  building the Iraqi coalition for Phase IV

"If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only  take a minute." MAJ (EUCOM)

"The only reason that anything ever gets done is  because there are pockets of competence in every  command. The key is to find them...and then exploit  the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM, Central Command, which is in charge operations in Iraq and Afghanistan))

"Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy  set on auto repeat..." LCDR (EUCOM)

"Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue  if you knew that Hungary is land-locked?" CDR to MAJ  (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary  is likely to proceed by air vice sea

"We are condemned men who are chained and will row in  place until we rot."  LtCol (CENTCOM) on life at his Command

"Right now we're pretty much the ham in a bad ham sandwich..." GO/FO (EUCOM)

"So, what do you wanna do?"...
"I dunno, what do YOU  wanna do?"...
"I dunno,  what do YOU wanna do?," etc. COL (DIA) describing the  way OUSD(S) (Undersecretary of Defense for Strategy) develops and implements their strategies

"Let's face it: Africa sucks..."   DOS representative (Bureau of African Affairs) at a  conference on Africa

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

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